Feeling overwhelmed at the idea of facing the fam, food and celebrating festivities too? You’re not alone. I, too have my own dramas that often butt their heads in and threaten to mess with my day. My advice to you. Be gentle with yourself, and let those emotions flow without fear. Tonight you’ll get a chance to do that on the 2nd edition of my holiday call.
Last Friday evening, I joined a live panel discussion of experts on Huff Post Live. We were talking about how to avoid the pityfalls of seasonal eating.
Prior to the event, I had some trouble with my webcam and I had to reconnect my equipment to another computer. Trying to beat the clock was very stressful, but with the help of some tapping to relax myself, I was able to handle the pressure. The interview went well, but after it was over, something felt ‘off’ in my body.
I now realize that some bit of chaos crept into my life which must have gotten triggered by the holiday topic. It arrived in the form of a sense of uneasiness, an odd sensation of dread in my stomach. But I ignored it because I chalked it up to a case of residual nerves from dealing with the computer snafu earlier.
I didn’t actually get the message of what was bothering me until this past Monday. I knew I was in trouble when I chose to eat 2 sugary Christmas cookies for breakfast despite knowing it would put me straight to sleep. After I woke up an hour later, I realized that I had to face what was eating me.
Beside grieving the loss of my father from whom I’ve been estranged for several years, I’ve been nattering around spending time worrying about being reunited with family members who are coming for the holidays, specifically my step daughter, Janelle and her son, my stepgrandson, Aiden. Now a Master Sargeant in the Air Force, and newly engaged, I had to be honest with myself and recognize that I had let my relationship with both Janelle and Aiden slide by the wayside. I hadn’t really spoken to either of them in several months and I felt guilty as hell.
The self-talk in my head driving my hand to slam those Christmas cookies into my mouth was shouting at me saying things like, “What kind of a horrible step mother are you? It’s no wonder that Janelle hasn’t even told you that she’s engaged. She hates you. Aiden hates you. You’re a horrible person. You’ll never be the Nana to Aiden that your Nana was to you. You’re a failure and a fraud.”
Pretty raw stuff which left me feeling awfully sorry for myself.
In my mind, I knew I was my own worst judge. Janelle wasn’t sharing my feelings. I was standing in the way of my own happiness as I’ve done so many times before. I was painting myself as the hated, unwanted and unloved stepmother and evil grandmother again. I compared myself to Janelle’s mom, my friend, Lucy and came up so sadly short. Then I realized that I was doing it again, this silly game of trying to ignore my feelings had gotten out of control. If I didn’t get a handle on it now, those 2 Christmas cookies could easily parlay themselves into more food that would only fuzzy up my very raw and frazzled feelings.
My emotions were all over the place and it was hard to pin them down. I knew that I felt guilty, sad, scared, angry, frustrated, and a mixed bag of emotional nuts that definitely didn’t make for a good day. First came the… I’m gonna say it—bitchiness. I felt that most intensely.
Realizing that nasty mean spirited wave of emotions made me feel uncomfortable because it was so not me. I massaged my upper chest and just let myself feel those angsty feelings. They soon went away and the next layer of the onion was sadness. With my heart still aching over the rift with my dad, I still have a lot of grieving to do so I want to let my tears flow.
I know that in order to get back to being my joyful self again, I still have some more emotional house cleaning work to do. That way when they’re here to celebrate my fiftieth birthday on Saturday, I’ll be back to being myself again.
So that’s my story. How ’bout you? What’s your holiday hassle? Are you caught up grieving a loss, feeling frustrated and anxious about seeing old relatives or just feeling antsy about the upcoming week.
No matter what anxiety you’re experiencing, I’m here to help. Tonight I’m going to hold another edition of my holiday house cleaning tapping event to give you a chance to work on whatever holiday stuff is plugging you up and putting you on overload.
For more info, visit:
emotional eating, seasonal eating, holiday food, body image, self-esteem, Lovin’ the Skin You’re In, The Juicy Woman, Andrea Amador, Weight Watchers,