Does it feel like the spark has gone out of your marriage? Facing the reality of losing connection with your spouse can be heartbreaking. It’s really painful to recognize that your marriage is in trouble. Find out if you are making these 2 common communication mistakes.
Does it feel like the spark has gone out of your marriage? Facing the reality of losing connection with your spouse can be heartbreaking. It’s really painful to recognize that your marriage is in trouble. First of all, be gentle with yourself if you’re overeating, because binging is a 9-1-1 signal letting you know that you’re hurting and feeling overwhelmed by what you’re facing. My advice to you is to forgive yourself for overeating and look beyond the food so that you can make the hurt stop hurting.
If you’re not seeing eye-to-eye with your partner, you could be doing some things that are really pissing them off and distancing the two of you.
I used to make those mistakes too and I’ve since reformed my habits. That’s why I want to share what I learned with you so that you can enjoy more wedded bliss with your partner.
Six months ago I would have told you that I was ready to end my marriage of 25 years to my husband, Angel who is a really wonderful loving, caring, affectionate man. We’ve been going through some really tough times facing money challenges and we just didn’t see a future with each other anymore. He was angry and I was sad. He went deep into depression and I grieved my losses by spending and overeating. More in this post – Change Your Story, Change Your Future
It was my daughter, Cara who inspired me to change some of my habits so that I could reconnect with Angel by improving my communication skills. She made me realize that I was doing some things that were really creating a lot of unnecessary tension between Angel and I.
Angel and I have made a lot of changes since then and now we’re more in love than ever because we respect and understand how each other feels. Here are a couple communication tips inspired by my book, “Lovin‘ the Skin You’re In. You can find the original version in the Love Your Body – Respect Your Boundaries: Care Enough to Set the Very Best Chapter
I encourage you to try these ideas out and see if they can help you reconnect with your sweetheart:
1. Listen – I used to have a tendency to interrupt family members whenever they spoke, never giving them enough time to finish their thought. One day when I tried to finish a sentence that Cara had started, she got really annoyed and said, “Mom, please stop interrupting me and let me finish saying what I want to say. Please listen to me. By being made aware that I was disrespecting her in this way, I started to notice when I was doing it, and I was able to prevent it. I also became aware of how frustrated I felt when other people interrupted me before I finished speaking. I made the distinction that if I was talking with a friend and we were having an easygoing conversation, it was fine to piggyback on each other’s thoughts, and enjoy an energetic exchange but when the conversation turned serious, I realized that it was really important to slow down and really listen and give the person time to say what they want to say.
2. Timing is everything – Cara helped me to realize that my timing was really bad. If I had something on my mind, I used to just blurt out whatever I wanted to say without giving any thought to how appropriate or inappropriate my timing or message was. Now I know that there are very specific times when it is best to talk to my husband. For example: Since he’s a diabetic, he gets very moody and anxious if he hasn’t eaten in several hours, so I don’t talk to him when I know that he’s hungry. I know he’s more receptive after he’s eaten a snack or meal. Notice in your relationship what times seem best to talk. It might be best to hold your tongue if you’ve built up a head of steam before lashing out at your mate.
Since I’ve taken steps to be more proactive in creating more intentional ways to express myself, and receive the love of my family and friends again, I’ve been a lot more at peace with letting go of things that are beyond my control.
Was this helpful to you? If you want to get more tips on how you can be more assertive and confident as you get healthier and lose weight without dieting, join my Lovin‘ the Skin You’re In Facebook group.
You can also get some body confidence coaching from me each week by joining my Sexy At Every Size call. Click the link to check it out:
Andrea Amador, The Juicy Woman, Lovin’ the Skin You’re In, marriage, women, coaching, confidence, binging, self-compassion,