Did you know that the way we see ourselves is not a true reflection of how we are? We live our lives according to the images we hold in our minds, the stories we tell ourselves; what we believe. The stories we play out in the privacy of our heads every day determine how we value ourselves, our bodies and our relationships. All the big and little aspects of our lives find their roots in what we believe; our interpretation of how we think life is supposed to be.
The problem is that most of these stories have been written for us, not by us. Similar to the character, Rose in the movie, who never felt the warmth of her mother’s loving acceptance, we are walking around with our heads filled with other people’s hand-me-down hurts and judgments that blur our vision and prevent us from seeing the shining beauties we really are.
http://thejuicywoman.blogs.com/my_weblog/2015/02/the_power_of_th.html
I’m always on the lookout for movies that show an internal transformation where the character undergoes a shift in perspective that causes them to see themselves differently. No makeup, no hair, no surgery–just a fresh look at themselves through the eyes of love. Not just anyone’s love, but a love for themselves.
“The Mirror Has Two Faces” stars Barbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges as two college professors who meet and decide to enter into a platonic marriage.
Taking many twists and turns, the movie shows Barbra’s character, Rose as being a woman who has lived the majority of her life with an internal self image that tells her that she is not pretty. Always comparing herself to her beautiful and popular sister and mother, Rose comes up short, feeling like the ‘ugly duckling’ by comparison. She reasons that because she is not ‘pretty’ she must settle for a relationship with Jeff Bridges that does not fully satisfy her.
She agrees to marry him under the conditions that their relationship will remain platonic. Certain that she can change his thinking and entice him into having sex with her, once they are married, Rose is devastated when her husband rejects her.
Broken-hearted and dejected, she blames her ‘ugliness’ on the reason behind her husband’s refusal to make love. Seeking comfort, she heads back home to her mother played by Lauren Bacall.
Unable to sleep, she goes through the album of family photos. She finds a photo of a pretty blonde and blue eyed girl and assumes that it is a picture of her baby sister.
In a piercingly provocative conversation she tearfully confronts her mother, while waving the picture in her face, begging to know if her mother ever thought of her as pretty too.
Impatiently interrupting her mother’s response, she reminds her of all the times that she was prompted to push up her nose so that it wouldn’t continue to sag. When her mother looks at her dumbfounded, and tells her that the beautiful little girl in the photo was her, she is amazed and unable to believe it. But in that moment you can see a twinkle in her eye as she begins to see herself as beautiful for the first time.
The Stories We Grow Up Telling Ourselves
Just like Rose, we live our lives according to the stories we tell ourselves; what we believe. The dramas we play out in the privacy of our heads every day determine how we value ourselves, our bodies and our relationships. All the big and little aspects of our lives find their roots in what we believe; our interpretation of how we think life is supposed to be.
My Experience of Going from Body Loathing to Body Lovin’:So Many Sighs Over My Big Fat Thighs
I spent years obsessing about the size of my thighs. No matter what size I was, I swore that I must have had the biggest thighs in the world. No amount of weight loss or exercise was ever enough to alter my distorted perception of my body.
One day, I stood naked, glaring at my fat self in the mirror, The music of anger began to rise in me and I heard all the old hurtful remarks coming to the surface.
Suddenly I realized that voice that had been shouting and criticizing every move I made was not mine. I knew I could choose to let it go.
In that moment I realized that I had to either accept me and my thighs the way they were, or continue living a crazy, desperate life hoping and praying that some force beyond my control would change them.
Looking back now I know that the problem was never the size of my thighs. It was the way I devalued myself. I used my body as the scapegoat for my anger; for all the years of feeling powerless to change.
It was the low self-esteem and poor self image that I carried around with me on a daily basis. It was those angry thoughts, those nasty words and criticisms that had been shouted at me as a kid. Because those memories were so emotionally charged, each time I looked in the mirror or was reminded of anything to do with how I felt about my body, those tapes got replayed in my mind and I became my own worst critic. That angry voice that had become my own was why I couldn’t stop eating.
Today no matter what size I happen to be, I have more respect and appreciation for myself as I am: Andrea, the person.
Can you relate to my story? Do you see how without realizing it, you might have become your own worst critic? What have you been telling yourself about your body?
The problem is that most of these stories have been written for us, not by us. Similar to Rose who never felt the warmth of her mother’s loving acceptance, we are walking around with our heads filled with other people’s hand-me-down hurts and judgments that blur our vision and prevent us from seeing the shining beauties we really are.
Have you been thinking that some part of your body is cursed and ugly?
Are you holding out on yourself like Rose and saying, “If only I didn’t look like this…” then I would be lovable.”
No matter what it is you hold out as being a reason enough not to fully love yourself, that is the part of you that is not getting loved or accepted, not by others but by you.
If this is something that you struggle with, then please join my next teleclass, Creating Confidence through Self-Love. We’ll be discussing the nasty things you may be saying to yourself, or the hurts you’ve been holding. All that old negative self talk that weighs you down like an anchor. So come on, join the call and see how good you can feel when you challenge those old screaming meanies and put them in their place.
Please leave a comment and share your thoughts on why you feel the mirror has two faces. How much power does that mirror really have over you?
Andrea Amador, The Juicy Woman, body image, self-acceptance, insecurity,