As a woman with a history of emotional eating, I’ve spent many years thinking that life was either black or white. For me, it seemed that the lines were drawn and clearly defined.
That was why I reached for food to comfort me in those moments of feeling less than, overwhelmed, not quite good enough and afraid when I wanted to give up. Food became my coping mechanism to handle life; instead of feeling my emotions, I swallowed them.
Propelled by those negative self limiting feelings, I believed that the answer for me lay in “going on a diet.” I was certain that would give me the willpower, determination and the motivation that I lacked to get rid of parts of me that were unacceptable.
Now, after spending 33 years dieting, I realized that I placed the power in the wrong hands. More than that, I realize that there are no parts of me that are unacceptable. This is the gift that I’ve received by taking this journey to self discovery through a process called Intuitive Eating, or IE.
Today I’m regaining my power, thanks to this process, I now relate to food more gently and naturally. Intuitive Eating has taught me how to change my focus from the old diet mentality when I used to eat just for the sake of eating to now discover what foods actually taste good enough for me to eat. Now on the less frequent times when I do overeat, I don’t beat myself up over it, it’s easier to just let it go, realizing that it’s really no big deal. I’ve learned to be more gentle with myself and appreciate every step of the process. I’m accepting myself as I am now.
If I’ve overeaten at a meal, I wait until I get really hungry again until I eat my next meal. By starting out with a sense of well defined hunger, it’s easier for me to notice the subtle changes that occur when I become satisfied. That makes it easier for me to pay attention to my body and know when to stop eating when I feel satisfied. I also resolve to be more mindful and pay attention to what I’m thinking and feeling. In that way, I can notice patterns of behavior that occur when I use food to stuff my feelings.
Before learning about this process, I never knew what being satisfied felt like or how my body felt when it was hungry. I never recognized how often I ate mindlessly, when in reality, I just wanted to take a nap or call a friend, ask for a hug or cry. This process has taught me that I can handle my feelings and be okay.
When I look at myself in the mirror now, I don’t mock, nitpick or criticize my body parts. Now I’m really getting that I’m perfect exactly as I am and size doesn’t matter. My thighs will get thinner whenever they do, no sooner or later than that.
I’ve gone through an enormous amount of trauma, pain and loss in my life. For decades I’ve had a habit of turning to food for comfort. Going through a depression a couple years ago was a great gift in my life. It forced me to look at myself with more compassion and tenderness and to realize that I’ve only been doing the best I could. I’ve held onto my weight as my way of feeling safe in what has felt like an unsafe world. The past year I’ve learned that letting go of the drama in my life was a powerful step to becoming more healthy and happy. I’ve lost about 15 pounds over the past year, but more than that, I feel as though I’ve reclaimed so much of my life that I selflessly gave in service to others.
part of the change process it feels good to be able to just let it go and not be attached to it. By knowing that I’m making the internal changes, I have faith that my body will lose weight when it is ready. I’m not in a rush anymore and that leaves more time to live and love.
Each day I uncover another wonderful aspect of me that was previously hidden by the distraction of dieting or overeating. I don’t think that I could ever have done this much internal work if I were dieting. For me, there would have been too many variables left unknown. The first and most important discovery that I had to make was to know that I could trust myself. I needed to know that I could trust myself amidst a sea of foods that I love. I needed to learn that I didn’t really like the taste of foods that I thought I couldn’t live without.
I’ve found new freedom in eating. Unlike any diet I’ve ever been on, now I can finally detach my emotions from the food. Sometimes I even get ticked off when I notice that I’m hungry and in the middle of doing something I love. This process taught me that I can trust myself with food, and that has rippled out to making me realize that I am more powerful and capable in every area of my life.
Since I discovered this process, I’ve become a much more prolific writer and speaker. I’ve taken on more challenges and realized that there was a vast scope of abilities of mine that had long gone untapped.
Through the simple process of changing my eating habits, I’ve realized more than ever that I am a loving, valuable and worthy person. No diet ever gave me that.
Thank you, Intuitive Eating for giving me back my spirit.