Have you ever felt worried or anxious whenever your spouse or significant other gets into a bad mood? Are you caught in a web of thinking that it’s your fault. Is that feeling of helplessness making you want to run and eat? Unless you know for certain that you can do something to right the situation on your part, then it probably has nothing to do with you.
In the past, when my husband, Angel got into that kind of a grouchy place that really unnerved me. Hearing his voice get louder and his tone more intense, would bring all my anxieties and vulnerabilities to the surface.
Let me ask you, have you ever lived in a situation where there was domestic violence? I have.
I was raised at two different times in my life by male-dominated households where the men used rage and intimidation to get their way. My step father, Jorge was sexually abusive. My father was emotionally abusive. As a result, whenever I hear a raised voice, I jump.
I’m very lucky to have gotten out of the cycle of abusive men who raised me. After being married now for 28 years, this past June 30th, I already know what a wonderful man my husband is. But when he goes into a spin, my nerves get triggered. Here are several tips that have worked for me that could also bring more peace to your home:
- You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. I am realizing more each day that we choose our feelings based on what we accept as our thinking. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. That’s become very liberating and it has enhanced my every relationship.
- Give them space.
I feel frustrated because it’s my nature to want to fix situations. Yup. I’ll admit it. I’m a rescuer.
I didn’t understand that until I started handling the social media for a pair of happily married Marriage Therapists named Lori and Bob Hollander. By working with them, it completely changed my perspective of my marriage.
Not I understand why I always felt compelled to eat everything in the house when Angel was in a bad mood.
used that as an excuse to give me permission to eat all the food in the house that wasn’t nailed down just so that I could get a quick fix of comfort and feel that I wasn’t at fault.
On the morning of noticing that Angel had been bitten by the grouchy bug, I decided to give him space to figure out whatever was on his mind. I had a hunch that I knew what it was and I realized that it had nothing to do with me. After attempting to see if I could help, I realized that he wasn’t feeling very talky, so I decided that it would be best for both of us for me to exit the house for the day rather than feel compelled to alter his mood.
I hopped in the car and did some shopping for myself. I enjoyed trying on lovely clothes and when I came home later that afternoon, he was much more relaxed, easy going and back to being himself.
That day was a huge Aha for me to realize that I don’t have to take it personally when someone else is feeling out of sorts.
Have you realized that yet? Is there someone who is a Gloomy Gus or Glum Gertie around you? Are you caught in a web of thinking that it’s your fault. Is that feeling of helplessness making you want to run and eat? Unless you know for certain that you can do something to right the situation on your part, then it probably has nothing to do with you.
Are you willing to let it go and toss back the ball of responsibility to the person in the bad mood so that they can figure out what they need to do to get unstuck and moving again? After all, it’s their issue, not yours. Do you really have such a light load that you can afford to carry around everyone else’s problems on your back?
Worrying about what other people think is a difficult habit to break. But it’s not your responsibility to fix everyone’s hurts. Find out how you can start to build your confidence and feel better and more entitled to being happier, by lovin’ the skin you’re in. Click the image below to learn more about my new 30 Days to Lovin’ the Skin You’re In FB Group.
Have you ever felt worried or anxious whenever your spouse or significant other gets into a bad mood? Oftentimes my husband, Angel will go into a tailspin of worry and anxiety and start complaining. In the past, that really unnerved me, and I would find myself looking for anything in the house that I could eat.
I didn’t understand that until I started handling the social media for a pair of happily married Marriage Therapists named Lori and Bob Hollander. By working with them, it completely changed my perspective of my marriage.
Not I understand why I always felt compelled to eat everything in the house when Angel was in a bad mood.
used that as an excuse to give me permission to eat all the food in the house that wasn’t nailed down just so that I could get a quick fix of comfort and feel that I wasn’t at fault.
Lately as I continue to study NLP and achieve mastery over language, I am realizing more each day that we choose our feelings based on what we accept as our thinking. That means that I don’t have to be responsible for anyone else’s feeling but my own. That’s become very liberating and it has enhanced my every relationship.
On the morning of noticing that Angel had been bitten by the grouchy bug, I decided to give him space to figure out whatever was on his mind. I had a hunch that I knew what it was and I realized that it had nothing to do with me. After attempting to see if I could help, I realized that he wasn’t feeling very talky, so I decided that it would be best for both of us for me to exit the house for the day rather than feel compelled to alter his mood.
I hopped in the car and did some shopping for myself. I enjoyed trying on lovely clothes and when I came home later that afternoon, he was much more relaxed, easy going and back to being himself.
That day was a huge Aha for me to realize that I don’t have to take it personally when someone else is feeling out of sorts.
Have you realized that yet? Is there someone who is a Gloomy Gus or Glum Gertie around you?
Are you willing to let it go and toss back the ball of responsibility to the person in the bad mood so that they can figure out what they need to do to get unstuck and moving again? After all, it’s their issue, not yours. Do you really have such a light load that you can afford to carry around everyone else’s problems on your back?
Worrying about what other people think is a difficult habit to break. But it’s not your responsibility to fix everyone’s hurts. Find out how you can start to build your confidence and feel better and more entitled to being happier, by lovin’ the skin you’re in. Click the image below to learn more about my new 30 Days to Lovin’ the Skin You’re In FB Group.
