IStock_000000070887XSmall After several years of giving myself permission to eat them without feeling guilt, I learned awhile ago that I don’t really care for donuts, especially the chocolate frosted kind, the ones my husband and son love so much.

But a few days ago my husband, Angel brought home a box of Entenmann’s mini chocolate frosted donuts and I found myself eating 4 of them one after the other while I sat in a trance watching TV. The day prior I was mindlessly munching on a Snickers bar after having eaten a very satisfying meal.

Let me assure you that there’s nothing wrong with eating any of these foods, but when you notice that you’re overeating and you’re not physically hungry, you’re eating to fill another kind of emptiness.

After emailing a friend of mine and sharing my hurts with her, I realized that the donut episode and the Snickers situation was a result of the anxiety and feelings of rejection that I was experiencing. Two painful situations cropped up all of a sudden and I felt blindsided by it all.

About a week ago an old dear friend who had dropped out of my life years ago without explanation emailed me out of the blue wanting to reconnect and be friends as if nothing had happened. Then a few days later I received an upsetting letter from my father’s lawyer advising me against ever personally contacting my father again.

In both situations I felt as though things were left unsaid and for all those years that I mourned their losses I had unanswered questions haunting me in my mind. When I answered my friend’s email with a cautious and guarded response, I told her that I needed to clear things from the past before I would choose to befriend her and trust her again. I asked if she was willing to answer several questions in a separate email. She sent me back an immediate response agreeing to my request. Then she asked me, “What is “it” for you?”

The question took me by surprise and I needed time to process it’s meaning. After waking up in the middle of the night a few days ago and finally having the courage to share all that was on my mind, and seek some much needed closure, I took a chance and had my say sharing my “it.” Maybe my friend will remain this time. Maybe she won’t. I don’t know, but I do know that in order for me to break the connection of food = comfort, I need to be continuously vigilant and on guard, aware of times when I feel vulnerable, blindsighted and out of control. Once I become aware of the pattern, I know that I can use any of the stress relief techniques I teach and come back to being grounded again.

Today even though I put more of those donuts on my shopping list to reassure myself that they didn’t have a hold on me, once I looked at them I didn’t have any desire for them, because I spent the day listening to what I was feeling and being okay with feeling hurt and angry. I had released and let go of what I needed to by emailing my friend and making a stand, but with the other situation, I just have to let it go and accept the rejection reminding myself that it’s not personal to anyone but me. So I did a bit of tapping today and some meditation to honor my feelings. What can I say? Shift happens! People will come into your life and people will go. And you’ve got to have a plan to deal with it or you’ll find yourself knee deep in donuts wondering what in the hell is wrong with you. You are not the problem. I urge you to dig deeper and find out what is.

So I ask you, as Sandra asked me, what is “it” for you? For me, in both those life situations, those chocolate donuts and the snickers bars were my way of saying, “I can’t handle it. I feel totally overwhelmed, I don’t want to be hurt again. You betrayed me. What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you love me anymore? or Why don’t you want to be my friend? You are hurting me. Your presence is hurting. Your absence is hurting me. I love you. I hate you. I want you to listen to me. I’m angry with you for hurting me. Why did you leave? What have I ever done to you? I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll never forgive you. It’s all your fault. Listen to me, please. Why did you do this? I don’t know if I can ever trust you again…

So what is “it” for you?

friendship, hurt, betrayal, anger, The Juicy Woman, Andrea Amador, Emotional Freedom Technique, tapping, self image, body, self esteem, women, confidence, self love