How many times do you find yourself complaining about something that’s bugging you? If you’re a gal who’s an emotional eater, there’s a good chance that there’s a lot of things that are getting under your skin. But you’re probably keeping it quiet, sweeping it under the carpet, keeping it on the QT, not wanting to rock the boat. Right? Big mistake. Read more to find out why.
http://thejuicywoman.blogs.com/my_weblog/2010/12/binge-bustin-101-handle-your-bugems.html
Doesn’t it make you nuts when you complain about things that you want changed and nothing gets done? Complaining is a waste of your precious time. And it creates a lot of built up resentment. If you want something to change, you have to get the message to the person who can do something about it.
Working at Avenue, the plus size women’s retail clothing store I’m surrounded by clothes every day. Like most gals, I love to look pretty and I have some very clear ideas of what looks great on me and what doesn’t. Back in my dieting days, I used to feel that I had to cover up my larger size body by hiding beneath baggy clothing. Thanks to shows like “What Not to Wear” and “How to Look Good Naked,” I now know that I accentuate my assets by wearing clothes that truly fit me now. I’ve learned to dress for the body I have, not the body I want.
Complaining: I Can’t Get No Satisfaction
At the store, the vast majority of the clothing is… Uhhhh, dare I say not very flattering. I think that the store’s retail buyers also subscribe to the belief that overweight women want baggy clothes that don’t fit their bodies. If I were to critique it kindly, I’d say that most of the pieces are almost there, but not quite. It always seems like there’s just one design detail that’s off–darts in the wrong place, too muted, too many pleats, too big a print, too much bling, not enough of a neckline, an applique that doesn’t belong, too gaudy, too matronly, too short, too boxy and so many other little too things that make it seem ohhhhhh so wrong.
The other gals at the store agree with me that it seems as though the clothes are best suited to a much older demographic. We’re always talking to each other and making suggestions for how to improve each piece. We joke around and wonder, “Who is the professional buyer for the store who buys this stuff and how do they decide what to purchase ?” “And do they even have a first clue about what a plus size woman wants and how to find clothes that will make her look pretty? As one customer told me, “I don’t want baggy clothes that make me look like the fat girl. I just want to look pretty.”
Although this is a bit of a running joke, that we gals at Avenue have, I take my fashion very seriously, and for months ever since I started working there, I’ve really been wanting to catch the ear of someone who can do something to make some real changes to improve the clothes. This has been bugging me and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and wishing things were different. There’s a lot right with Avenue, but there’s also a lot wrong there too. But it doesn’t help for me to complain to my husband, my daughter, my friends, the store manager or any of the other gals there. Because they don’t have the power to do anything about it. To get my suggestions addressed properly, I’ve needed to go to the person who can give the buyer my feedback.
Talking to the Right Person Makes the Difference
So Saturday was my chance. Dwayne, a representative from home office asked my manager and I for feedback and suggestions to improve the store. He assured us that if we would make a list, he would get it to our buyer and to the head honchos that could make changes. I immediately jumped at the opportunity and made him a 2 page handwritten list that included everything from replacing broken outlet covers and changing the marketing to finishing hemline seams. Then to add weight and credibility to ensure that the list would be given the attention it deserves, I flew through the store and asked each customer to share her thoughts and suggestions for overall improvement. After I handed the list to Dwayne, I felt complete. Done. Finito. It doesn’t even really matter if nothing changes, Because I got it off of my chest, it changed for me. I just wanted to stop spinning my wheels. Now it’s in the hands of the decision makers. It was so good to stop complaining and know that I can just let it go.
So Now It’s Your Turn…What’s Buggin’ You?
Back in the days when I was a die hard dieter, I ignored so much stuff that didn’t actually have to do with what I felt was important to me; getting slimmer. I was certain that as long as I journalled every mouthful I consumed and paid attention to what and how much I was eating, exercised and drank my water, nothing else really mattered.
Now I understand that my eating often went out of control because all the little and big irritations in my life were piling up and getting ignored. In those days, I wasn’t big on expressing myself so I let it all slide. But even though I wasn’t talking about what was bothering me, it still had the power to bug me, and that made me feel helpless.
How ’bout you? Are you aware of the places in your life that aren’t working, that just bug you? It could be anything from fixing a broken toilet to asking your husband to call if he’s going to be late. Are you letting things slide because you just don’t want to rock the boat? How’s that make you feel? What messages are you sending to others when you ignore your needs?
Your challenge today is to look around, go through each room in your home and any other place where you spend a significant amount of time and make a list of the things that bug you. Then vow to handle 1 or 2 of those small things each day. You’ll be amazed at how your relationship to food will change as you start to reclaim bits and pieces of your life little by little. No more turning a deaf ear or a blind eye. You have the power to change your life, nobody else does. Go do it!
Coming Attractions:
On my next Curvy & Confident Coaching Club call, we’ll discuss how to love yourself through the layers. It’s an inside job that has nothing to do with the shape of your shape. Confidence, baby that’s what counts! That’s being a hottie. Let me show you how. Come click on the PayPal link below and join me to get a sample snippet of my coaching style this coming Thursday evening at 9:00-10:00 p.m. Eastern. 12/16 – Be there or be square. After you register, I’ll send you all the contact info for the call. Can’t wait to speak with you.
Much love,
Andrea
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Avenue, plus size, Andrea Amador, The Juicy Woman, Lovin’ the Skin You’re In: The Juicy Woman’s Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body, self esteem