According to relationship expert, Marcia Martin, most women in the United States have grown up a little prudish, a little conservative, fearing their sexuality, judging women who like sex as “bad girls.” We cover ourselves up. We don’t talk about it. We pretend it doesn’t happen. “
In places like Europe, the Netherlands, South America, girls are brought up to know that sex is a good thing and being sexy is part of being a woman. In these countries, the women recognize and revel in the knowledge that they’re sexy. They love to flirt, tease, laugh and play with men. They don’t try to hide the fact that they’re sexy or that they want something.
If the idea of having more sex and being more sexual gets you just about as hot and bothered as a trip to the dentist, then I’ll encourage you to put on your detective hat and find out what makes you feel that way. Think about what pops up for you when you think of enjoying more sex and being what Keesling calls a “bad girl.”
What are you thinking about? Is it a junkie strung out on drugs desperate for her next fix, a trashy streetwalker, a woman on the prowl engaging in dangerous one night stands, a gal with no self control unable to say “NO” having lots of indiscriminate sex, the image of the other woman who can’t get off unless she’s with some other woman’s man or maybe you’re thinking that enjoying more sex means that you would have to seek validation outside of yourself and give away pieces of your self esteem to your partner. Not so.
If these are the images that you have when you think about having more sex and making it badder and juicier and hotter and better for you, either alone or with a partner, than it’s no wonder that the “good girl” in you has kept you at arm’s distance in fear, prohibiting you from getting to know your “bad girl” self.
The street walker, junkie, sex addict and the husband stealing man-eater are most definitely not role models for women seeking to find greater self acceptance and wanting to find a place on the path to lovin’ the skin they’re in. They are examples of women who act out emotional pain through having sex. These are examples of women who need professional help.
In the same way as saying “No” to others means saying “Yes” to yourself, you have to love your body and feel good about yourself and your body in order to start moving towards feeling safe around being “bad.”