I confess. I’m in a love/hate relationship with the beauty and fashion industry. It makes me crazy to see so much emphasis placed on how we look. The saying goes, “Beauty is only skin deep.” Not true. What really matters is how we see ourselves; our self-image.
Because if you don’t see yourself as a person of value on the inside, you’ll never recognize your beauty on the outside. That’s because your self-image is the way you see yourself and it determines everything you do and everything you say. Ultimately it’s the root of your happiness or misery. The good news is that you don’t have to be a victim of your past and live enslaved by your own self-defeating thoughts. You can makeover a fat and ugly self-image.
As a body image expert, I come by my expertise because I started out as my first client.
From the time I was 5 years old and had my first encounter with sexual abuse, I learned to feel unsafe and shameful in my body. Harboring my secret, I kept silent and never told my parents.
The theme of sexual abuse continued in my life through my late teens and nobody in my family understood why I was so overweight and unhappy. I grew up in an atmosphere where I felt pressured to be thin. Because I was a chubby 10 year old, I was put on a diet by my well-meaning dad. He thought that he could keep me on track by constantly pointing out the fact that I had fat thighs. It seemed like all my relatives had something to say about what I ate and how I looked. As a result of having my appearance scrutinized for so many years, I grew up feeling deeply shameful and resentful about my legs. I dressed in baggy clothes because I wanted to hide the fact that my thighs were so fat. Food became my go-to way of feeling good.
My relationship with food had no boundaries. I’ve engaged in just about every illicit, undignified, and demoralizing behavior that you can think of having to do with food: lying to myself and others, eating stale or moldy leftovers, raiding people’s kitchens and pantries, retrieving tossed food from the garbage, and so many other sad and desperate acts associated with feeling hopelessly and helplessly deprived.
Because I felt so ashamed of myself and my actions, I didn’t have any sense of self-respect. For years my insecurities enslaved me and I sought out therapy to try to fix what I felt was broken in me.
Since I specialize in coaching women with body image issues and teaching them how to makeover their negative self-images, I’m always eager to spread word of the work of Dr. Maxwell Maltz. He is the renowned pioneer who authored the book, Psycho Cybernetics: How To Use the Power of Self Image Psychology For Success. Since the book was first introduced in the early 60’s, this landmark best seller has gone on to change more than 30 million readers’ lives, transforming their negative self-images from the inside-out.
Before he became a first time author in his 60’s, Dr. Maltz was a Plastic Surgeon. He began noticing a trend in some of his patients following their cosmetic procedures. In some cases, his patients would sometimes fail to thrive after a successful cosmetic operation.
He noticed this as being very odd since these people were extremely physically attractive and even beautiful. Despite their physical beauty, Dr. Maltz recognized that sometimes patients remained stuck in a rut following their surgeries.
After examining many cases of similar situations, he noticed a parallel. Each of those patients who felt that cosmetic surgery did nothing for them, had very low self-esteem. They felt that deep down there was nothing that could be done to correct their flaws. Here’s an example of one of his former patients named Jack:
Jack was an insurance salesman. He used to be at the top of his game, selling more than his competitors. After having undergone a second rate nose job done by another surgeon, Jack had lost all confidence in his abilities. The corrective surgery was poorly performed and his nose was incorrectly reset, leaving a mildly conspicuous bump in the middle of the bridge of his nose. He consulted with Dr. Maltz to correct the surgical defect. He explained to the doctor that he was certain that all of his prospects was obsessed with the size of his nose, continually staring at its bulbous, round shape.
Dr. Maltz noticed a slight bit of evidence of disproportion, yet he suggested that Jack take an interim step before the doctor would lend his consent to do the surgery. Dr. Maltz offered to teach Jack how to re-create his disproportionate self image. He explained that it would take 21 days to complete the process. After that time, if he was not satisfied, Dr. Maltz would do the surgery without question.
After Jack had done the visualization process for the 21 day period, he went back to Dr. Maltz and said, “Thank You, Dr. Maltz. You’ve taught me something so important. There’s nothing wrong with me. It was all in my head. I don’t even see anything wrong anymore. From that point forward, he was able to go back to his former first rate level of productivity since before his surgery.
If you’ve struggled with feeling ashamed or frustrated with your looks or any aspect of your life, I encourage you to read his book. Psycho Cybernetics outlines an entire program that can be used to rebuild anyone’s self- image. Essentially it is a series of exercises that help you to create new habits and see yourself in a more positive way. This isn’t just to change the way you feel about your appearance, it’s to stack the deck in your favor in every area of your life.
Dr. Maltz once had a gentleman who was a patient. Jack was an insurance salesman. He used to be at the top of his game, selling more than his competitors. After having undergone a second rate nose job done by another surgeon, Jack had lost all confidence in his abilities. The corrective surgery was poorly performed and his nose was incorrectly reset, leaving a mildly conspicuous bump in the middle of the bridge of his nose. He consulted with Dr. Maltz to correct the surgical defect. He explained to the doctor that he was certain that all of his prospects was obsessed with the size of his nose, continually staring at its bulbous, round shape.
Dr. Maltz noticed a slight bit of evidence of disproportion, yet he suggested that Jack take an interim step before the doctor would lend his consent to do the surgery. Dr. Maltz offered to teach Jack how to re-create his disproportionate self image. He explained that it would take 21 days to complete the process. After that time, if he was not satisfied, Dr. Maltz would do the surgery without question.
After Jack had done the visualization process for the 21 day period, he went back to Dr. Maltz and said, “Thank You, Dr. Maltz. You’ve taught me something so important. There’s nothing wrong with me. It was all in my head. I don’t even see anything wrong anymore. From that point forward, he was able to go back to his former first rate level of productivity since before his surgery.
This inspired Dr. Maltz to step beyond his ability as a surgeon and to begin to devote time to helping people how to change their self-image and how to alter the way they see themselves. He defined this tendency to hold a distorted image as an ugly or fat self-image.
If you’ve struggled with feeling ashamed or frustrated with your looks or any aspect of your life, I encourage you to read his book. Psycho Cybernetics outlines an entire program that can be used to rebuild anyone’s self- image. Essentially it is a series of exercises that help you to create new habits and see yourself in a more positive way. This isn’t just to change the way you feel about your appearance, it’s to stack the deck in your favor in every area of your life.
Dr. Maltz once had a gentleman who was a patient. Jack was an insurance salesman. He used to be at the top of his game, selling more than his competitors. After having undergone a second rate nose job done by another surgeon, Jack had lost all confidence in his abilities. The corrective surgery was poorly performed and his nose was incorrectly reset, leaving a mildly conspicuous bump in the middle of the bridge of his nose. He consulted with Dr. Maltz to correct the surgical defect. He explained to the doctor that he was certain that all of his prospects was obsessed with the size of his nose, continually staring at its bulbous, round shape.
Dr. Maltz noticed a slight bit of evidence of disproportion, yet he suggested that Jack take an interim step before the doctor would lend his consent to do the surgery. Dr. Maltz offered to teach Jack how to re-create his disproportionate self image. He explained that it would take 21 days to complete the process. After that time, if he was not satisfied, Dr. Maltz would do the surgery without question.
After Jack had done the visualization process for the 21 day period, he went back to Dr. Maltz and said, “Thank You, Dr. Maltz. You’ve taught me something so important. There’s nothing wrong with me. It was all in my head. I don’t even see anything wrong anymore. From that point forward, he was able to go back to his former first rate level of productivity since before his surgery.
How about you? Is there something about yourself that you are holding out as not being perfect? Is it your thighs, your teeth, or your hair? None of us are perfect. Yet when you are able to take off the shaded glasses of altered perception, then you are able to see yourself more clearly. In the light of day, everything looks better.
My research is indicating that Dr. Maltz’, Psycho Cybernetics represents a new frontier in self improvement work. Stay tuned to find out what I learn next. I promise you’ll be the first to know.
Have you ever used visualization methods? Have they worked for you? Click on comments and let me know. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.